Birthday

Happy Birthday!!!!  Today I celebrate the birth of my twins. A bouncing baby boy and a beautiful baby girl!! They are so adorable. The baby girl is a curious one. That baby boy could care less he is your nonchalant baby. He's gonna be easygoing.  These were the things I was told about my babies. I was in the ICU for a while.  Then I heard the nurse say to the tech....Bring in her babies, she may not make it ...Put them on her chest, so they can listen to her heartbeat...I woke up, I got better, and was put in a semi-private, then a private room. I got better. When I felt my babies I knew I had to pull through. My poor husband didn't know what to do and I didn't want to not see them grow up.

Needless to say, those two were and still are the apples of my eyes. Today they are now 37 years old. My son, has transitioned on to heaven and my daughter is still struggling to make it through her days without as she says, her "other half." She finds it difficult today because her twin is not here to sing his crazy song and say "Cissy it's your world, I only exist in it. " 

You see, he always made their birthday her day, despite it being their day. He always wanted her to feel special, because she was his Cissy, and he loves his Cissy. He is not here physically but we hold him so near and dear to our hearts. I know this is a tough time for her, so I have to put away my feelings for just a little while and help her through. I have to make sure I help her through this day and every other day from this moment on. 

I just hop I can make it through this day without breaking down.

I Survived

 It has been quite some time since I've logged in. I have had so many challenges and I've survived them all. There is not a day, a minute. an hour, a month or a millisecond that I don't think about my son. He and his sister were the center of my universe all of their lives. It will be two years in a couple of months since he transitioned from this life to the greater and better life beyond, 

It still hurts to this day not seeing his smiling face and hearing his voice, I kept my promise to him. I am still painting, and drawing, and now I am designing tee shirts. Its been challenging to say the least considering I work the late evening shift at a local hospital, but to see my results has been amazing to say the least. I just wish my son was here to see how much better I am getting with each task I have challenged myself to do. When I close my eyes I imagine seeing him smiling at me and telling me how good or how much better I can make the work look.

I keep striving and surviving as life goes on.