Another One

Well here it is another cold and snow-filled day and you are not here physically here to enjoy it with the kids. The best part about this is we have your bestie with us. That's right your oldest baby is here at the house enjoying herself with her cousin. They have been getting on one another's nerves but I don't think they would have it any other way.  The kids have been out of school most of the week due to the snow and ice and I don't foresee them getting back to class anytime this week so they are on vacation. Son I am really trying to adjust to not seeing your handsome face and hearing your voice. This is hard and I do not wish any of this on any parent who truly loves their child(ren). This pain is different than any other and it never truly goes away. You are truly missed by everyone. When I look into your daughter's eyes I see so much of you and your middle daughter has so many of your little quirks it's uncanny. 

You know I said I wouldn't do the shoulda, woulda, coulda mess but I lied. On the one-year anniversary of your death, I did it. I was questioning myself on so many levels about all of the what-ifs why didn't I do this and why didn't I that what if I had only this and what if I had done that....Yeah, I was taking myself down through there. I am just so glad you knew in your heart, mind and soul that your mama truly loves you and always will.